Back to School & Back to the Studio

It’s the first full week of Kindergarten and I’m back to my regular schedule of work and studio time. It feels so good to get caught up! I’m finally able to organize myself and my calendar. Today was spent setting plans for the fall and winter season preparing for projects that’ll push this creative cog further. It’s invigorating!

This summer, despite my growing desperation to reconnect with my art practice, was perhaps the best one ever. The weather was so perfect and I had a total of around a month and half to two months off with my 5 year old son. He’s finally of an age where it’s easy and fun to communicate with him. He’s more a boy than a baby all of a sudden, and he’s ready to take on challenges and crush milestones. For example, he learned how to ride his bike without training wheels and swim without a floatation device. He’s doing chores to earn money and was quite the entrepreneur with his fresh-squeezed lemonade stand. How proud am I?!

We had so much fun as a family, too. We went to the lakes, river, ocean, stayed at the cottage, went for hikes, went on family vacations, and played mini golf. I reconnected with old friends and family I hadn’t seen in years. … I mean, we really rocked it. Initially, I’d been nervous to lose so much of my studio time, but once I leaned into it and relaxed, I had a blast.

However, by that last week and a half before school started I was so ready to get back to the office and the studio, and it showed! I was dangerously backlogged with work, 6 commissioned illustrations, and I had a scheduled workshop looming on the horizon. Typically, my mantra or my order of business is to 1. say “yes” 2. stay organized 3. stay ahead of schedule, and 4. show up. Usually if I follow those guidelines for success, stuff works out. BUT! I was woefully unprepared for a summer with sporadic childcare and what it actually does to your work schedule and productivity.

I slipped in work after the kids were in bed and during rest times, juggled different projects (and different sides of the brain), and I was constantly shocked at how difficult it was to stay on top of it all. I whiffed on a couple things and learned a sore lesson to pace myself next year, but luckily those missteps didn’t end in too terrible a tragedy. I’m glad to say that there are more exciting projects coming up and more hours than I had this past school year that I might be able to accomplish them. I took the day to set up my marching orders for the next couple of months and now I can’t WAIT to get painting!

One of my new great loves is plein air painting, and I have a weekend coming up, just my husband and I, where I hope to get back out on this point and finish the biggest panel I’ve attempted to date! But with a view like this, one might be inclined to go “big”, figuratively and physically.

Medomak River, Muscongus Bay, Waldoboro, ME

Other things to look forward to is my agent review day with SCBWI where I get to pitch my book idea while going over the manuscript AND dummy to get some professional feedback. This is lined up for the end of this month. This time I get 15 whole minutes! Kinda makes that 5 minute pitch look like small potatoes. I know, I know… so soon after my book pitch Zoom debacle? What can I say, I’m a sucker for a do-over! This time I’ve had my manuscript critiqued by someone who does that kind of thing for a living. The bugs are worked out and now it’s time to dig into the dummy. Wish me luck! Rest assured this time my husband will be watching the kids, lest he end up in another blog post!

Don’t worry about him too much. He’s a pretty good sport ;-)

With that rounding out the month I go right into substitute teaching an art class at NYA in early October and leading a new Artascope workshop in November. Who knows? Maybe I can fit in a few little tasty plein air’s for holiday offerings and post them to my shop. Mayybe. For the most part these plans feel pretty doable and well-spaced. Hopefully this time I haven’t bitten off more than I can chew. I’m somewhat sure I’ve learned my lesson…

SCBWI Summer Conference

This past weekend was the Society for Children’s Books Writers and Illustrators Summer Conference, and it’s hard to say yet if it was worth it for me. For any of you who have never attended an online conference, it essentially consisted of many Zoom meetings roughly an hour long each and covered topics such as “Perfecting your Query Letter” and “How to Curate your Portfolio with Intention”. It was certainly better than not attending at all, but an in-person conference would have been so much more powerful. As a mother of two young children, it soon became apparent that the other downside of attending an online professional conference is logging in from home. Taking part in such a thing at your home over a weekend with small children running about I would never recommend. Rent an office, drive to a friend’s house, plant yourself at your local library. DO NOT DO THE DANG THING AT HOME.

Story time. I had been working for weeks on a book dummy and pitch for the big Sunday event- Book Pitch Roundtable. It was the only thing I had scheduled all day- just an hour in which 10-15 people had 5 minutes of the agent’s attention in which they give their book pitch and got feedback. I had my makeup and a halfway decent top on, sitting patiently, waiting for my turn. My name was called. I began to give my pitch. I was about a minute and half in when I hear the studio door creak open. I could feel Ona staring at me and at the screen full of people as they listened to me speak. “Mamma?” She hustled over. A bead of perspiration gathered at my hairline and I so briefly glanced out the windows to see my husband fussing with something in the garden, completely unaware of what was unfolding just inside. Perhaps it goes without saying that he was supposed to be on kid duty!

I continued with my presentation until the babbling began. “There’s no way I can get through it like this,” I thought. I politely and with some strained humor excused myself and ran into the house with her. I hollered. I slammed doors.

“SHE WAS IN THE STUDIO!” I bellowed to my husband through the door to the backyard as I flew back to my vacant chair in front of a grid of waiting faces.

I return to the computer like a cat who just got pummeled in an alley fight, graceful but ragged, and fully flustered. “Where was I,” perhaps I serenely said before diving back in. I don’t even know what happened after that. I realized I’d never muted the screen as I fled and gall knows what they heard. I HAD 5 MINUTES where things had to go smoothly. That’s all! 5 minutes!

Anyway, here I sit glumly recalling these details, not quite yet finding it funny, and I’m reminding myself that this is life. I’ve made it about my children, my art, humor and storytelling, beauty and skill. I’ve curated my life around my nostalgia and a belief in myself, in a talent that I’ve cultivated, in a gift that I’ve been slowly polishing into a pearl since childhood. I meditate on this and feel some shame that in those angry moments running my child indoors I didn’t appreciate the cosmic chaos, and I thoroughly missed the joke. I can’t take this thing too seriously because that’s not the point, and it’s not the reason I make art.

I make art to comment on my origin and ask why. There is not necessarily a need or a crucial function in the making of art. You make art to understand yourself better, and to inspect your humanity. You look inward to find joy and speak to it. You coax it out. You then present this thing you made to the world, and in all your nakedness you ask people to judge you. You ask them to buy it. You ask them to make it a part of their home and on occasion, to think of you, and love this untold thing about you. In my case with my children’s books, I’m asking you to share my work with your children so that, together, we may speak to them about the life they are just beginning to embark on. Together, we are helping them to navigate their world in a way that makes sense to them. We are giving them the tools to be successful human beings with compassion and love.

But back to SCBWI. I’m looking at the positives and I have SO many new contacts to add to my newsletter. I have a book pitch, a full manuscript and a black and white book dummy to share with some agents I have never met, and without this conference to push me along it may not have happened as quickly. I’ve got to make postcards and send to new contacts. But most importantly, I now understand that it is time to reach out to not just a few agents, but into the hundreds. Like, send an email a day through the fall, winter, spring, and just keep going.

Kate DiCamillo, the closing keynote, gave a beautiful and emotionally charged speech. A good chunk of that speech felt like a compassionate hug to all of us- roughly a thousand attendees looked on through our home computers, perhaps feeling just as wounded and isolated as I was. She spoke to our frustration at feeling unseen or stuck, and assured us that she’d been in our shoes before. She then told us about the staggering number of rejection letters she had received (264 I think it was??) before someone finally said “YES”.

So now I understand how little I understood. I haven’t even tried yet. I have yet to get out there AT ALL! My portfolio is ready. My pitch is ready. My manuscript, my dummy are all ready! I begin the work of reaching out constantly and letting people know “Hey I’m here! I’m doing this cool thing! Do you like it? LMK!!!” My untold inner cosmos are quaking.

Well, buck up, kid! You’ve got work to do!

And so it goes. Wish me luck!

My Trip to the Berkshires

A Self-led Artist Retreat

One week ago I was in North Adams for a solo getaway in search of art, nature, and solitude. It was a wonderfully full trip to a curious spot in New England with high mountains, beautiful views, and very little cell service. While there I was able to explore a little bit of the town and drive through the scenic byways that surround it such as the Mohawk Trail and Mt. Greylock. North Adams itself is a little town where the artists seem to thrive with inspiration and the joy of making. At the base of the picturesque mountains lies the town, where the boom of the mid-1900s industry has been lost but not forgotten. It is a mix of renovated Victorian homes and dilapidated housing projects, some established businesses that were able to survive COVID, some trendy new businesses, and some that have fizzled leaving only a crumbling facade with faded lettering. Artists and students seem to keep this town bustling. There is MCLA, Williams College, and Berkshire Community College all within North Adams and the surrounding mountain towns. Of course, outside of the natural splendor, there is the main attraction and my main reason for visiting- the MASS MoCA.

MASS MOCA did not disappoint. I got there right when they opened and made a beeline for the sold out exhibit by James Turrell at the advice of the information desk attendant at the welcome entrance. Being the early bird that catches the worm I squeaked in ahead of their next appointment and enjoyed a transformative show of light immersion. Alone in a room of colored light your retinas are forced to see what is not real, and to submit to a strobing effect that I can only describe as a trip without the body high.

Next, I wandered through this crazy old mill made modern until I found yet another mind-altering experience, but this time I donned a virtual reality headset and was transported to the moon, or, this artist’s version of the moon. Laurie Anderson took me on a narrative journey in her work To The Moon that almost left me in tears. I truly left this world for 15 minutes and flew among the stars.

Sol LeWitt’s 25 year retrospective of reproductions is jaw-dropping in the intensive process it took to create these installation pieces. A collaboration of Yale University Art Gallery, the Williams College Museum of Art, and MASS MoCA enabled a team to come in and paint or draw 105 pieces of art directly on the wall. This exhibit will be on view for an unprecedented 35-year period! Chris Doyle delighted me with his oversized video installation that pulsed across a darkened warehouse-sized room while I watched from my beanbag chair, in awe of the depth of his imagination. The exhibit Like Magic had me entranced. My overall experience at the museum left me very impressed and I contemplated the infinite possibilities of the human mind to create art, some aspects of which I doubt AI could ever replicate. There are many of us who like more traditional art- as do I!- but the beauty of modern art is that we have removed any boundaries on our minds. We can create something so unique and display it in an infinite number of ways to give the viewer an experience unlike any they’ve had before. What power! To dig deep into our souls to tell a visual story.

And speaking of the more traditional, painting en plein air is a form of art-making that dates back centuries, and it is something I’ve recently come to enjoy very much! I was lucky enough to get out onto Mt. Greylock not once, but twice. I completed two small plein air paintings on gessoed paper, and enjoyed the beauty of nature while doing it.

On the evening of the second day, and last night of my trip, I went out to see what a North Adams First Friday looks like. My first stop was a MOSAIC Gallery 51 which was putting on an artist talk with artists from their current Migritude exhibit. I stayed for Clemente Sajquiy’s presentation about his work and his inspiration. After that I didn’t see a lot going on, but I’m glad I stopped in this cute little plant shop, The Plant Connector, for directions. She pointed me toward historic Eagle Street where I found several art galleries clustered together having openings such as the Installation Space and Future Labs Gallery. I met Alison Pebworth, an artist originally from San Francisco who relocated here and had a beautiful little storefront shop that doubled as her studio. I met Carolyn Clayton, the co-founder and residency director for the Walkaway House, as they were opening their doors for their open studios and a live band. I also met several artists currently in residency there- a horticulturist woodblock artist from Baltimore and a mixed media artist from Connecticut. I found that connections could be made swiftly and easily in a town where everyone knows everyone, and everyone is family.

First Friday has a small, yet delightful, concentration of open galleries and artist studios in the downtown area. I’m glad I asked around and finally found where the party was hopping! I’d recommend the area for a few nights stay to get in your art-making and art sightseeing, but I could’ve stayed on an extra day for a big hike to the top of Mt. Greylock for some solid exercise! Instead, I only had time to drive to the top, which does have some incredible views from the Veterans War Memorial Tower at the top.

Check out what I made, and thanks for reading!

Top: View from Jones Nose Trail, July 4th
Bottom: View from Mount Fitch overlook, July 5th

Play!

It’s been another year around the sun, and I’ve got other reasons to celebrate! While today is the official day of my birth 39 years ago in the year of our lawdy 1985… Friday will be the opening of the show “Play” at 82 Parris, and Morgan and I will be there with bells on! My painting “Boy with Green Shadow” will be in this group show until June 28. It is my foray into the fine art world, or at least for my art, and I’m excited to start to show what I’ve been working on especially with imagery that is so near and dear to my heart. This show couldn’t be more perfect for my work, and I think they chose the best one out of the bunch to support their theme.

Boy With Green Shadow

Play seems to be the going thing in the studio as well, but I tell you, I’m getting a little tuckered out! I don’t want to say that I have “too many interests” because I can and will eventually get to all of them… However, one woman with 15 hours of possible studio time a week needs to be realistic. That said, it is somewhat ironic (considering my recent success) that I’m now tabling the figurative series for some other time sensitive stuff.

I’ve officially launched my newsletter and announced my plein air class coming up in July. This is the first time I’ve ever gone out on my own for a workshop, so I need to market the heck out of it! I have about a month to spread the news and I have a marketing schedule, but now I need to design the ads and promote on social media and with paid posts. I’ve got some video plans for the campaign, too! These projects have my current attention and I’m just beginning to wrap my head around them.

The project to follow is a book dummy for an upcoming SCBWI conference in early August. I’ll prepare a dummy and a portfolio for two separate reviews with leadership within the industry. The conference and reviews are online so all the work will be done digitally, which might make things easier to be honest. No big portfolio folders to purchase, no matting or obsessing about layout… I’m imagining a PowerPoint or Google Slides. If anyone knows of a better program I’m all ears! Canva, maybe?

After that, I prep for my Artascope workshop in September. That class will close out the year I have planned so far, at least for public engagements. Maybe then I can return to the figurative work? Or perhaps I’ll choose to soak up the last warm days and the changing fall leaves by getting outside with my paints and easel! That sounds nice…

Anyway, here I sit in a climate-controlled room (sorry not sorry!) while outside the sun shines in a perfectly blue sky as a heavenly chorus of birds trills their joyous pleasure to be alive!!! Well, ok, birds.

Maybe I’ll eat my lunch outside today.

May Flowers

I’ve returned from my trip to NYC, a trip that was very highly anticipated, and it really couldn’t have been a more positive experience. This was work travel foremost, and on the tail end, pleasure. It was my first opportunity to meet many of my colleagues in person, and a rare chance to meet students, alumni, board members, and family members of all those connected to the institution. The atmosphere of belonging that I felt and the conversations that were had made me feel closer to the work that I’m doing and the people that I represent.

For those of you who don’t know what I do as a J-O-B, I work part time for a hybrid institution that awards PhD’s to artist-philosophers whose core study revolves around art theory, philosophy, and aesthetics. I create digital content to post across social media platforms, elevating the school and the students while keeping the aesthetics, the message, and the mission as my guide. It’s been great fun, and a great fit! The partial remote work is the flexibility I need as a mother and an artist.

As an artist, being in NYC itself is such a full body experience. The visuality of the city unfolding as you pass through it, the ample opportunities for museums and gallery shows, the restaurants, and just the overall vibe of a busy city so different from my typical environs is invigorating. I was able to extend my trip to visit my sisters who had just celebrated their birthday (they are twins). It was wonderful to spend time with them at their home. The highlight would have to be our 3 HOUR trip to a bath house, jumping from plunge pool to sauna to hot tub! A true treat.

Now, with that big trip behind me I feel I can focus on my art and pushing ahead on my figurative series. I finished a new mouse illustration, too! If you read my previous blog post you will know that this conceptual idea of mice leaving our homes and returning to their outdoor spaces had been used on a recent “failed” illustration. That failure really dug at me, and I was committed to make a new painting on that concept that was going to be my “best yet”. The result was a great piece, and I’m really pleased with the outcome, although the term “best” is too subjective to judge it as such.

This is the first of a series of larger and more detailed illustrations that I will begin to roll out. I want agents and publishers to get to know my broader capabilities to create visual narrative. I’ve been enjoying the vignette format- the blobby framing with elements of the illustration extending beyond that frame. The richness of color, the textural application of the paint, the final touches in colored pencil and pastel are all part of my process. This process has gotten to be very successful and gives me fulfillment and joy while making them. It is so so exciting to me to have gotten to this point where I feel this level of connection to my work.

With summer blooming on the horizon I have also been thinking about attending gallery openings, participating in open calls, and getting back into teaching. I’ve been doing a lot of administrative work this past week getting my website in a good spot and applying or researching for several opportunities. I also have some initial ideas about providing private plein air classes, and I’m planning to send a newsletter at the end of this month with all the updates from my studio. I do hope you join my newsletter if you haven’t yet! I have lots of ideas not only how to monetize my work, but how to help encourage other would-be artists to pursue this fulfilling (albeit exceedingly difficult) line of entrepreneurialism.

Please join me on this journey, and help me welcome this season of art and life!

Making Bad Art

As usual, a moment to decompress and reflect in writing about my practice seems a good fit for this dark and misty spring morning. Coffee in hand, I am nursing my inner artist regarding a recent failed illustration. As much as I hate to admit it, those little failures still hurt to a level that make you question yourself as an artist. My pride is in a puddle on the floor and yet, there is a raging part in me that must prevail and remake that SAME thing and make it the BEST illustration I’ve made to date because how dare you get away from me you silly-little-mouse-painting-you.

Disclaimer: it’s a painting of a mouse. The idea was that with the arrival of spring and the warmer weather all the little field mice that I’ve been warring against in my house this winter are finally returning home to their outdoor nests. So mine is an image of a mouse hanging a forsythia wreath on her front door above a welcome mat bearing the words “Welcome Home” on it. Cute, right?

Wrong! Deep down I knew the painting wasn’t going well to begin with. A general understanding that I have of art, or at least of my art, is that when a painting starts out with weakness and a struggle it rarely becomes a strong painting. The philosophy is the same about anything: if the original building blocks are weak, the finished product will be weak. Of course, art is unlike so many things and can often defy this very reasonable theory, but I think those success stories are few and far between. So, my point being, call its demise early and start fresh with what you learned.

Time is what makes the artist successful. We need time to shape our craft. However, time is the one commodity that is hard to come by for me. I bemoan the labor intensive struggle with something that isn’t working to then have to trash it in the end. It’s the TIME that is the precious wasted thing, not the art. As for the art- I’ll make it again and better. No sweat. But the tiiiiime, though! I won’t get that back.

I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts, Art 2 Life with Nick Wilton, and this particular episode with Jerry Saltz has stayed with me. He spoke about time and hard work making the artist, and often hits you over the head with an insult or two calling us all “big babies” and to shut up and just make the art. He goes on to say the money will never be enough, there will never be enough time, the conditions are never quite right… do it anyway. Make bad art!

And when I think about it, my bar for bad art keeps getting higher. I don’t fail as colossally as I did in the past. My bad art building blocks are getting pretty strong. So in that sense, OK! We are getting somewhere! In a way, you need those moments just as much as the successes because the learning is so much richer. So, yes, Jerry! I will stop being a big baby and go make some more art!

But before I do that, I’ll make this moment of procrastination painstakingly longer and give a few professional updates and mention my studio progress as well:

NEXT WEEKEND (I can’t believe it’s so soon) I’ll be boarding a flight for NYC for IDSVA’s commencement ceremony. It is also a celebration commemorating President and Founder, George Smith’s, upcoming retirement and the succession of Director, Simonetta Moro, to the position as President. This marks exactly a year since I was hired as their Digital Design and Marketing Manager and I will be meeting all the students and faculty for the first time. As a hybrid program, students and faculty are from all over the country and the globe, so my only real introductions thus far have been through emails and Zoom meetings. I’m both nervous and excited! It’s a landmark occasion and even alumni will be present for the event.

In other news, this fall I will continue my teaching practice with a gouache workshop at Artascope in Yarmouth. I’m looking forward to getting to know the people at this establishment and extending my skill set to a new audience. It’s been a long time since I’ve taught regularly, and to rework that muscle I’ve been playing with the idea of offering private classes with signups on my website. It depends upon finding a handful of decent locations to paint outdoors and interested clientele, of course. I will send out a newsletter with a bigger mention of this if this idea comes to pass…

With two studio days a week I’ve been able to get a lot more done with my acrylic paintings on birch panel. I am so excited about what is happening with these pieces! This could also be the reason my illustration work has been a messy afterthought, what with this shiny new toy commanding most of my attention. The work keeps evolving, but I do have a couple that are more or less complete. I had been so nervous to approach the biggest panel (24x36), but it has been a great joy coaxing shapes and colors from the underpainting. I believe its base is strong and the finished version could be pretty fabulous if I don’t screw it up! Eventually, I’d like to place this series into a show, but I’m not opposed to submitting a few of them for Calls For Art to see how they are received. I’ve been applying to these on a rolling basis.

Last, and least (for now) I have plans for a few en plein air acrylic works on paper I’d like to do this summer to get me out of the house. Eventually, I hope to reopen a modest online shop, but already I’m overextending myself so those plans are very tentative. In the meantime as I plug away NOT being a big baby and making lots and LOTS of art, I keep my eye out for opportunities and art openings to drag my friends to. I tell you, it’s a broke-ass magical life. In turns, it is demoralizing or uplifting. The work can energize or drain you. THE WORK NEVER ENDS. But one day, you, I, us… will be recognized for our efforts, and then you’re in a new game.

I keep playing politely on the sidelines- send me in, Coach!

Oh, right! Item one: get a “coach”.

Finding Purpose in the Paint

In the early months of this new year I’ve been falling in love with fine art. In the past year or so I’ve imagined building a fine art practice alongside my illustration work, but I wasn’t sure where to start. My husband and I had some in-depth discussions about it, and he would continually ask me a simple question… “why”? Why did you choose this subject matter or style of mark-making etc, and the follow up question, what are you trying to say with your art?

In our back and forth analysis of the art I began to realize that my initial ideas for a series were more for others than for myself. Looking for a deeper connection to the work, I began to shift my line of thinking. When I asked myself “why” I now had an answer, and one I believed in. The vision became clearer, and the pictures I’m creating are getting better.

Often, a writer’s best work is inspired by their own lived experiences. The work is relatable because it has happened, is happening, might realistically happen, to that character- a real person- who has felt those feelings and experienced those things. I believe, as an artist, our artistry is a poignant reflection of self. It is relatable, and it is genuinely felt.

Reflecting on myself, I’d ask what is my lived experience? The answer was obvious. At this time in my life, children and family are paramount. My life revolves around them- their health, their schedules, their happiness, etc. As a mother who is also an artist, I’m constantly trying to balance both jobs with all of my energy and capitalizing on being as productive as possible with the time that I have. The result has been a practice of loose brush strokes thoughtfully applied. The paintings are relatively quick. The colors, patterns, and occasionally the subject matter, are imaginative. Components of the paintings are made up, fantasies, but the bulk of the work is taken directly from life. When you look at one of my paintings you will see a combination of observed figures, interiors, exteriors… and the completely fabricated. This is an intentional commentary on the narrative that plays out in a child’s imagination, where the real and the fictitious are seamlessly intertwined.

Colors, patterns, toys, botanicals, animals and insects could all be synthetic within the scene to point toward a deeper meaning. The work comments on a child’s inner development, but I also eventually want to comment on the role of the mother in this body of work. How do I paint the joy, the exhaustion, the overstimulated moments of noise and chaos, the depth of love, the loss of self or return to self? What other emotions does a mother feel and how do I communicate those? This path to understanding the work is still unpaved, but I’m getting there.

There are illustration sketches still on the art table currently in-process, but I’m allowing myself to break away and pursue work that is reflective of my life at the present moment. My children are young, and painting them while they are at this stage in life feels so important. My son just turned 5, and he is still so beautifully innocent. For example, he found a bird who had recently died after hitting our picture window. As he held it he asked me what we should do with it. I suggested we find a place to bury it in the yard. His follow-up questions were of concern for the bird. He wanted to know “If we bury it, what will it eat?” “Will it be cold?” The finality of death is an incomprehensible subject for a 5 year old. I snapped a picture of my son at that moment and from it, I created Phoenix to illustrate this purity, this guilelessness.

While carefully rendering images of my children with paint I can’t help but ruminate on current news. I’ve been deeply disturbed by the wars happening overseas, and I keep thinking of the parents there who are desperate to keep their children safe. It makes me feel so privileged to be able to tuck my children into a warm, safe bed at night, their bellies full with a home-cooked meal. It is a luxury to be able to provide these comforts for your children, and to be able to meditate on that fortune feels like a prayer of gratitude.

There are a million reasons to paint the most immediate things that inspire you, and for me, it could be none other than my children. The less obvious answer was what my approach to the concept might be. So far, my favorite piece is a 9x12 little painting, Sleeping Child in Red. It is a sweet little rendering of my sleeping son, done with a slap and dash of warm strokes. I use some stencil in the painting which had a nice textural effect. I’m excited to see how the rest of my waiting panels will develop.

As the philosophy behind the work deepens the imagery continues to shift. As I work through the process I learn what works and what doesn’t. When I make a “favorite” painting there will eventually come another painting that becomes the new “Gold Standard.” This journey is about discovery and giving in to the natural push and pull as I get to know and understand the meaning behind my own work and how to make it.

That’s all for now. Enjoy the journey. Be flexible. Stay lucid. Good night!

This Year will be Your Best YET

We are ticking down the hours and the minutes to 2024, and the yearly introspectiveness trickles like a fresh stream into our minds. We ask ourselves, “WHO am I going to be in this coming year? WHAT am I going to accomplish? Perhaps we continue to the WHEN, WHERE, WHY and HOW. WHEN will we accomplish these goals and HOW? WHERE will we travel? WHY do I care to make a New Year’s resolution at all?? Is the pressure too much of an additional mental and physical load to bear?

Maybe there is a way to grow and “do all the things” and love the process. The stream in my own mind is bringing me to thoughts of self care and growing my art practice. Although, truly, my art practice could actually be considered self care. When I’m making art I’m taking care of me, but with the end goal of finding an income stream through that work. I will say that the clarity around the work and the process to create it is encouraging, exciting, and it’s strengthening!

But speaking of strength…

Even before I became a mother I had started to struggle with my exercise regimen. I had injured my rotator cuffs rockclimbing and couldn’t climb anymore pain-free. Planet Fitness was my replacement, but my joy around exercising my body began to dwindle. Then, becoming pregnant and the chronic pain that came with it stopped my exercise routine for a while. Now I’m done making babies and my desire to bring the joy of engaging in “a sport” is not only palpable, it’s necessary.

Yoga has been really enjoyable for me lately, and I’ve been going about once a week with a friend. It’s certainly not enough, and that’s item #1 I need to address in the New Year, FIND THE JOY IN CARING FOR YOURSELF. As other mothers might relate, it’s not necessarily that there isn’t the time or a willing partner to watch the kids, it’s the permission that you give yourself to take that time that you need to be your best self. I have to remind myself that the secret to success is all in the scheduling and the shared calendar! Which brings me to item #2… TAKE THE TIME YOU NEED.

Now that my physical health is taken care of, my art follows in short pursuit. #3 MAKE THE ART. This may seem obvious and nearly unnecessary to put on the list, but for a long time I had a fear of making the art. I had every excuse in the book for why not- I don’t have the space, I don’t have the time, I don’t know what my voice is yet, I need to focus on the things that make money. As I get older, and dare I say wiser, I realize I was just gaslighting myself. With thoughts like those I could never reach my goals, and precious time was slipping by. My sadness now comes from all that wasted opportunity! So I suppose, even though it might be another obvious one #4 DON’T BE AFRAID TO FAIL, should be another resolution. Or perhaps that should be my mantra, my drumbeat to follow forever onward.

Something I wrote for myself, and for this blog, a while ago but never published seems relevant to mention now…

Your art comes from a place within yourself that is truly unique. Your art is a manifestation of something that cannot be defined, and is so profoundly human… so by all means, CREATE. Whatever else that needs to “get done” in a day is important, yes, but feel justified in the making. Revel in the mere moment that you are alive. OBBSESIVELY communicate what it means to be human, and allow yourself to be vulnerable.

If you’re having trouble with this just close your eyes and imagine being a child again… you are running naked through the sprinkler under a hot summer sun. Let the joy permeate you. In this moment, you have no responsibilities. Naked vulnerability doesn’t exist. The responsibilities, the societal pressure, the personal expectations that flood you now, have no home in your childhood self.

Live in that moment. In that moment, nothing else matters but your humanity and your freedom. Breathe. Live. Let the light come in. Because the artist knows they will become dust again someday. The time to tell this story is finite.

Summer, Back-to-School & the Holidays

Am I all caught up yet?

Well, geez! How did this happen? Summer was just a couple of weeks ago I thought…? Unfortunately, I’ve fallen pretty hard off the journaling wagon, and now I find myself solidly a month into autumn and starting to make holiday plans. Life moves fast, and there have been a lot of changes at home. I like to think we’ve been transitioning well to said changes!

My son has started at his public pre-K program, and thank goodness, he loves it! His new classroom is part of a local arts & tech high school, and they have some great programming including mentor programs with the high schoolers and use of the facilities such as the theater, greenhouse, gymnasium, and outdoor nature trails that run through the campus. There are a lot of experienced professionals on staff for support, and I think they are doing a great job with the curriculum as I’ve already noticed Ansel pointing out new letters and numbers with distinction. His school days are shorter, but he’s going full time. My daughter is now in the toddler room at the daycare Ansel used to attend, and is still there just 3 days a week which is fine for now.

Meanwhile, my hours have increased at IDSVA, and I’ve been cutting my studio time back to one day a week. With tighter hours during the day to push the creative work I’ve been challenging myself to find time at the tail end of the day to get into the studio. I’m proud of how much progress I’ve been able to make, and find that I’m getting stronger with my process and finding the rhythm. The paintings are coming faster now, and my vision for my brand of illustration is getting stronger.

I decided it was finally time to get a membership for SCBWI. I’d been a member years ago and had even gotten a table to display my portfolio work at the New York conference, but since then I hadn’t had the focus or the confidence in the style that I wanted to present to the world. I still would not be ready to present at another conference this year, but I can certainly start planning my path forward with the resources that they offer on their website. I’m excited to dig in!

In other news, I’m thinking of joining Folktale Week in November, which is a weeklong challenge with prompts relating to all things folky and whimsey. Folktales were my jam growing up and I’m looking forward to stretching the mind muscles and creating for the platform, and ahead of time, too!

I’m feeling the witchy brews bubbling in my brain, and more or less keeping on top of everything at home, so it’s a good time to FINALLY check in with you and drop some feel-good into a journal entry. That said, I have to run! The end of the (studio) day approacheth, and the doggo still needs some attending to.

Take care ghouls and goblins! I hope to tickle the keys again over Thanksgiving break and get back on to my one-a-month blog entries. Have a spooky-fun Halloween!

The Beauty of Solitude

And What It Means for Your Practice

Well! It seems I’ve essentially taken the summer off from my blog! This was unintentional. I’ve had the itch to write and sit down and record my thoughts, but most of those have been “scratched” onto the pages of my private journal. Yes, I actually have both a blog and a hand-written journal. Some might think this redundant, but not all of my thoughts ought to be aired publicly and when a writing therapy is what the doctor ordered I must indulge.

It’s been a nice summer, though rainy! The grass and the garden are thriving, and we’ve been tackling little projects around the house and on the property that surrounds our seasonal cottage in Waldoboro. Our home keeps feeling more like “us”, and we are excited to see things come together. This simpatico feeling has been transferring over to our respective careers, and we are seeing small wins, which feels validating. I have a few irons in the fire, and I may choose to divulge on that at a later date. For now, I feel like discussing solitude in our art practice, and how important it is to grant yourself that space.

I had a lovely weekend, (already two weekends ago now?!) where I was able to devote time to myself for an entire 48 hours. Morgan and I had been discussing this getaway and how we all needed it- He wanted to have his own special time with the kids, Ona needed to be independent from me and try to sleep through the night without waking up to breastfeed, and I needed to sleep through the night and focus on art uninterrupted. We all thrived.

On Saturday around noon I arrived at our cottage armed with a Prius-load of plants… so, ya know, a few shrubs and a half dozen or so small plants, and I got to planting. By late afternoon I’d planted everything and felt pleasantly exhausted. That evening as the storm clouds rolled in I started painting in my sketchbooks and ate a modest supper. After a great night sleep I started the day with coffee and painting, skipping breakfast all-together. It was nice to not have to be responsible for hungry tummies other than my own! That morning the fog sat heavy on the water, and before the downpours began I had already gotten a swim in. The rest of the day was art intensive, with breaks only to use the restroom and sit back to critique the work.

I did not mean to be this intense, but I suppose it was what I was craving. The hours slipped away unnoticed, and the rain poured down in the background. The tide went in and out, and the birds fished with hardly a glance from me. I realized by late afternoon I was suddenly tapped, and with no pun intended, found myself at the local tap house for a beverage and a break. I was back at the cottage having taken an hour or so, and started right back into the work until bedtime.

The following day was spent finishing up and applying final touches. With the sun emerging I spent more time soaking up the warmth and swimming in the bay. I left that afternoon feeling recharged and peaceful. For once, there wasn’t that nagging feeling to create that I’ve trained myself to ignore while I attend to other necessary tasks. The nag was sleeping while I drove home with satisfied sketchbooks resting in my backpack. If only I could have more days like this! Someday I dream that those days will come frequently where I have the time and the space to get lost in the work. But for now, I’m finding it where I can and making peace with the nag in my head.

Solitude fosters the thoughtful space surrounding our creativity, and is the fertile ground for growth in our art practice. We need the quiet, uninterrupted time to workshop creative ideas and apply them. As with anything that takes focus, such as writing a paper, preparing a presentation, reading a book, what have you… art requires a high amount of concentration. But it also requires a connection to the heart. As in most forms of art, there is a desire to address the inner self. The colors and emotions that well within you take form in the visual, transferred to the page, the canvas, the sculpture.

Where possible, take the space that you need to create the work. This is important work, and requires a thoughtful building process to come to a phase of completion. Each step requires careful application and consideration. One brushstroke informs the next, and each mark brings you closer to understanding the work and understanding yourself and what your artistry can become. By all means take the space, and allow yourself and your art to bloom into a phase of completeness.

The artist is comfortable being alone, because that solitude allows her to dig down deep. You have the green light to revel in the practice, to coax what may from the page. In this modern world where the moment you pick up your phone there are an infinite number of things trying to call your attention, make sure you remember to be unreachable when you can. Your inner world is whispering to you with a message much more interesting.

38 Trips Around the Sun

And Other Cosmic Culminations

I just had a birthday, and as the post title might divulge, I am now 38 years old. I feel pretty ok about it… No existential crises yet!

When taking the time to reflect it’s important to start with an attitude of gratitude. Consider your major milestones and the hurdles you had to jump to get there. Every life has its unique road, and the one you travel looks very different from another… so be kind to yourself. It’s taken me some time to realize this and occasionally I need to remind myself of it when I’m comparing my journey unfavorably to another person’s. I’m positive that I needed to learn certain life lessons, or meet certain individuals, or finally feel ready or supported to pursue the things that I desire. That said, maybe the words I put into the world as an artist who is “figuring it out” is the stuff that can help another find the support they need to start their artistic journey. I hope so!

One thing I realize now as my drive and motivation builds and the picture becomes clearer is that whenever you are ready, there are resources you can tap into that will help you achieve it. Now is an amazing time to be alive as a creative. I am inspired constantly because I am instantly connected to other artists around the world. Say what you will about the evils of the internet, but it is also a miracle tool. With access to the internet I can scroll through images of original artwork by artists I like, and I can engage with those artists whom I admire! I can pursue podcasts and listen to the words of artists who are going through similar struggles or get tips from those who are further along in their careers. I can watch videos of process art and learn a new skill. I can launch my business from my own home, put out low-cost ads, and sell my art online. I can even put my art on a coffee mug for goodness sakes, and sell that! As long as you are willing to put in the work and the time, you can curate your community, your education, and your business. That is so damn powerful!! So go do it, right now!

And throw away the ticking clock. It is not your friend. The thing inside you that says “I can’t”, is wrong. YOU CAN, it just might take some time. But you are an artist, and you have the long game in mind. You can pursue your practice deep into old age, and you should! Engaging in art will keep your neurons firing, so keep the fire burning! But who started the fire? It was always burning since the world’s been turning…

Ok, what was I talking about? Speaking of meandering roads and long journeys… OH YEAH! I was talking about turning a year older. Perhaps this means I’m a year wiser, and if it’s the case I’m happy to impart whatever wisdom I’ve picked up along the way.

I was talking about reflection, too. This past month was a busy month and my long awaited workshop came and went, rather quickly! This year the anticipation was much easier and my nerves were far less jangly. I didn’t over think it too much, and I couldn’t if I wanted to! Having an infant and a 4 year old means much less opportunity to over think. It would be remiss of me as an Artist/Mother (speaking of, check out this podcast moms!) to not mention the constant challenge of raising children while trying to do anything else!

For instance, our family seems to be at the butt end of a cruel cosmic joke, and a plague inevitably bears down on our household whenever something big is scheduled. I know what I said about “attitude of gratitude”, but I’m going to be grittily honest here and say WHAT THE ACTUAL BLEEP is going on with our terrible luck around this?? Someone out there has it worse and can set me straight in the comment section, but in the meantime Iet me assure you that we’ve had our share of stomach bugs and ear infections and I am mind numbingly tired of dealing with it.

My workshop surprisingly was the restful moment in a very restless weekend with curious students who all arrived fully engaged and eager to learn new things.

Snapshots from the workshop at Cove Street Arts: Painting with Gouache 2.0

The theme for the lesson was “discovery”, and we got into materials that could expand any gouache practice. We had a varied group of participants. Some in the group were accomplished artists or had dabbled in gouache before, and others were new to art-making and interested in adding dimension to their lives. For me, I find such variety inspiring. Each person was supportive of the next, learned something of the other, and took something away with them that they otherwise never would have known. It’s been wonderful to add these teaching moments to my business plan, and I hope to add other venues as opportunities for adult learning. Having done some research I do have a few plans up my sleeve for 2024… Please join my newsletter if you want to be notified of any new scheduling!

Any workshop weekend, although uplifting in some ways, is surely energy spent in others. The weekend tumbled right into a heavy lift… solo parenting while my husband was away on business. Perhaps it was divine intervention reminding me to slow down (yeah! That’s it!), because it became apparent as his plane touched down in a distant state that it was my turn to inherit some messy internal gut health! I played survival and got well just in time for an absolutely gorgeous Memorial Day weekend weather-wise.

I’m solo parenting again (take a guess at how much art is getting done) and Ansel is home sick with this slow-moving bug that’s hung around our household for the past two weeks. It has come full circle and now and I hope it is on it’s way out! Speaking of… what I’d really like to come full circle is this rant of a blog post! Umm, right, hurdles… motherhood… art… The path that we’re on and gratitude! Internet = good? Oh, god help me. What’d I say again about an existential crisis?

Where’s That Big Big Energy?

I am suddenly exhausted. Drained. I don’t know how to describe this feeling. I have hit a definitive wall in my brain and my body has followed suit. Or something to that effect. What am I talking about? I don’t know, but let’s back up.

My contract work with Creative Portland has come to an end. The opening(s) were SO so good. I must say, I’ve missed this aspect of gallery life. You spend about a month planning a show, working with the artist or artists, you hang up the work, send out your marketing, and… wait! When the day comes, everybody glows. The art looks great, the space is spotless, and people dress nicely to support their person and their artwork. It feels really special! I just bask in the high of a shared respect that hums about the room, and for the vulnerability and patience that exists behind every art practice. I saw old colleagues and fellow artists. I met an artist new to the area who is accomplished in my own field of illustration, and can’t wait to get coffee with her.

It was a busy week that led up to a big TWO openings and then led into a crazy busy weekend. Saturday we hosted my folks in celebration of Ona’s birthday as the cap on a high tempo day. By Sunday morning I was toast. Ona was up twice in the night, too, which didn’t help. But it was more than your typical tiredness. I felt suddenly empty. I didn’t have anything left to offer. I felt bad watching myself, “Zombie Mom”, attend a birthday party for Ansel’s friend and the most interesting thing I had to talk about was Market Basket, which, to be fair, is amazing. People had said to give it a try and this past week I finally did. WELL, it’s way more awesome than I thought it would be! It was the Market Basket of my dreams.

But I digress.

I couldn’t help it! I felt so cringe, so uncomfortable in my own skin, trying my darn best to meet new parents and actually carry on a conversation when all I wanted to do was curl up into a cocoon and push the “off” button temporarily.

As an artist, I think this is natural. There is a wax and wane to your creative energy, to that special something that feeds you, and mine had suddenly run dry. I actually went home after said birthday party, and while Ona napped and Ansel watched a show I attempted a little painting and wow do I wish I had listened to my body. I looked at that poor little panel today and sure enough I had abused it with the most amateur brush strokes imaginable. Like, maybe I had actually napped, too! Zombie Mom strikes again!

But, hey, you can’t be “on” all the time, and the sooner I can admit that to myself and resist the temptation to create when I’m feeling bad, the sooner I can save myself some work at the tail end. I mean, sure create if you want to create, but don’t mess up a carefully prepped panel if you can help it!

So what did I do today? Today, May 8, the year of our Lord 2023 and year ONE for our Ona… I took all the time I needed to. I cleaned my home, I went to the gym, I walked the dog in the woods, and I did not pick up a paintbrush. It’s been a YEAR. I reflected on how far I’ve come, how far she’s come, and I made room for the hum of respect for myself, even when I’m cringe.

Next up, workshop prep!

Winning or Losing- it’s how you play the game

I can only describe this month as an up and down pinball game of wins and losses. I’m workin’ those flippers hard, my friends! Sometimes I’m sending the ball into the clown’s mouth and racking up the points, at other times, I’m whiffing and it mercilessly dives down the drain into the belly of the beast. It’s all good fun, though, I promise! I can feel the power rising in the art and my excitement around the work that I’m creating. Never have I felt more like an artist. I expect that feeling will grow as I become more aligned with the vision and scope of the work.

I know, it’s always changing with me. I’m still not targeted in “what I do” and you don’t know what to expect from my studio. Heck, I don’t know what to expect yet, so how can you?! I’m working to change that.

Inspiration can come from both wins and losses. A win might be the positive response you get when you post a piece on social media and you see the “likes” and comments roll in. For me, this is a helpful tool to help gauge the impact of a new painting. Another way to measure artistic growth is to submit paintings into shows. Tonight, for example, is the opening of a group “Egalitarian” show where my piece will be hanging with 160 others! I don’t exactly expect it to sell, but I do see it as an opportunity to gauge a reaction, start to get my name out there in the fine arts locally, and build audience awareness for similar work down the line.

Self Portrait with iPhone
gouache on claybord
12 x 12 inches

On view at 82 Parris St, Portland, ME where New Systems Exhibitions used to be.

Regardless if this piece had been accepted, I’ve been quietly working on a series of portrait and figure-based work. The work has been lacking direction, interesting color, a definitive theme… and then all of a sudden, I felt the spark of inspiration fill in all of the shadowy areas of uncertainty. Perhaps it was due to this little “win”! Who knows, but all of a sudden I’m supercharged artistically and so excited for the next phase of exploration around this series.

The panels I’d been experimenting with all have fresh new layers of thick gesso (currently still drying!) and I have my photo reference sent off to a color printer so I can get started first thing on Monday. Tally-ho! We are off to the races!

In the meantime, the Claybord animal inspired painting (originally intended as the pilot piece for a series) has been sanded down and is sitting wounded in a corner until the touch of inspiration comes down like a hurricane on that one, too. I suppose for the time being this one is in the “loss” category.

I’m also disappointed to say that the painting I’d been working on for the 2022 Chapbook Cover Contest for MWPA was not a winner this year. I know I was at a bit of a disadvantage because last year my illustration won the prize, but the competitor in me went for it anyway! A loss, but then again I like how it came out and I learned so much when making the piece… so is it a loss, really? Nevertheless, when you get those rejection emails, they always sting a bit. As an artist, you just get used to it. You have to get used to it, or those instances hurt so much you might give up. Don’t you do that… Don’t you EVER do that!

I’d also been crossing my fingers and toes for a 25 hour a week remote agent for illustrators worldwide. Advocate Art is a pretty rad art agency and I would have been thrilled for the opportunity to use my skills representing artists as applied to illustration- obviously! I made it through the first round of hurdles. Ultimately however, it was not to be, and they probably hired a very skilled person who is bilingual to boot. Damn my high school novice Spanish!

Oh well.

Now, let’s talk wins! I have been accepted as the Marketing Assistant for the IDSVA (Institute for Doctoral Studies in the Visual Arts) as a very part-time in-office assistant. It’s perfect for me right now and I’m very pleased to have a dedicated time away from the studio in a professional setting working for a higher education institution. I finally brought my buns down to a real clothing store and congratulated myself with a few cute outfits. Feel free to compliment me if you see me around town- haha!

That’s about it for now, I think. I’ve got to get dinner going, and wish me luck I get to the opening at 82 Parris tonight! Baby girl has a stomach bug to compliment her double ear infection. She is so extra.

A Rose By Any Other Name

From the window of my studio I still see snow, the wind still blows cold, and I have the space heater pumping directly onto my feet. BUT, the days are longer, the sun is warmer, and I feel rejuvenated with a flood of fresh ideas and upcoming projects!

How about you?

Collaboration is in the air, and I’ve been doing just that with the team at Creative Portland helping to coordinate their annual spring show, RESILIENCE. This is the first year since the start of the pandemic that they plan to have opening receptions and welcome in audiences for the First Friday Artwalk. I feel so thrilled to be a part of this symbolic reopening. Can you believe it’s been three long years that we’ve been practicing isolation on a global scale?! It feels so good to be finally getting on the other side of that shared experience. What better way to celebrate than with the gift of COMMUNITY ART?

Speaking of community and collaboration, I have a couple of upcoming workshops I’d like to announce. You heard it here first that I’ll be hosting a Painting with Gouache 2.0 adult workshop at Cove Street Arts the weekend of May 20. That workshop will build off of the previous Painting with Gouache lesson plan, but anyone can take the class and pick right up with the new lesson. I take into account your experience level and teach in a bespoke style that fits to your needs. Are you curious about clayboard and acrylic-based gouache? Want to learn a new medium or build off of your existing skills? Join us in May! I’ll send an announcement when the sign up goes live on the CSA website.

Workshop #2 this spring is more meditative, more self-care, and I get so zen just thinking about it. Sometime in June (exact date to be announced) I’ll be teaming up with the wonderful Sarah Spiegel of Samudra Studio to have a morning of journaling and meditation at her beautiful yoga studio in Biddeford. The class will cover themes of rejuvenation, healing, strength, and of course creativity. It’s going to be so fun and so heart-forward that I urge you to just think about joining us and jump on tickets when I send the announcement.

I hope you enjoy connecting with me as I journey through art, motherhood, and the business of building a business. Thanks for your support, and here’s lookin’ at you! Happy Spring, all!

The Long Winter

The holidays have come and gone and so far it’s been difficult to get into the studio. I have been able to accomplish a few things, however, and have many plans lined up for a successful spring and summer. First, a few announcements…

I have joined the planning committee for Creative Portland as the project coordinator for their annual juried show. Although historically it’s been organized every year it has been THREE years since their last show due to the pandemic. I’m very excited to be joining the efforts to put on a successful exhibition of emerging and established local artists. That show will be opening May 5th for the First Friday Art Walk with a private reception for the artists on May 4th. It feels good to have an active role again in community arts.

Additionally, I’ll be teaching a workshop at the end of May at Cove Street Arts called “Painting with Gouache 2.0”. This class will be a follow up to the workshop I held last year, but anyone can join and pick up where the lesson left off. This lesson will be chock full of information on texture, materials, and mark-making techniques. I’ll introduce clay board and encourage students to think outside the box when choosing brushes or other tools for painting. I’m looking forward to it!

With January well underway I’m starting to think about applying for grants for the first time. As a parent, I can look at programs geared toward caregivers and project assistance. Maine has some grant programs about to drop on the Maine Arts Commission website and I’ve been following Creative Capital for news on opportunities for which I might be qualified. It’s a bit of a slog! Especially for someone new to the search. Someday I’ll also be adding “residency search” to my TO DO list, but probably not this year with Ona still so young.

In the meantime there is plenty to do to keep me busy. As much as I want to load more onto my plate I need to be aware to pace myself. The winter is long and unpredictable with illness as a constant companion to my two young children. My best advice to myself is to take advantage of nap times, good health, daycare availability, offers for help and clear weather days to get AS MUCH done as possible. After all…

I give myself very good advice and I very seldom follow it. Be patient is very good advice, but the waiting makes me curious…

Alice In Wonderland

Post-Election Day

…and Reflection Day

We did it!! We re-elected Janet Mills as governor, and across the board Dems did better than projected. It feels good to be on the other size of it and writing again after a longer than usual break, even though at the moment my 6 month old is in my lap trying to slap the keyboard. This may take more time than usual! But reflecting in type always is such a meditative moment for me regardless.

We are officially moving into holiday season! Halloween is over, Election Day is behind us, the clocks have been moved back, and the cold weather is upon us. October flew by with the gorgeous color of changing leaves and the weather still warm.

I continue to enjoy my time at home with Ona and experimenting with new styles in the studio. Speaking of Ona, she is doing amazingly well. She is getting to be a big girl and so engaged in her surroundings. She is starting to sleep well again after a few weeks of regression and she’s even letting Morgan put her down at night. We hope this means progress toward my eventual freedom aka going out at night someday?! The only two times I ever tried it I had to come flying home to save the traumatized babysitter.

With the prospect of gaining more time away from the home I am starting to think about other ways to bring in revenue. I’m in the process of planning some exciting new workshops for 2023 and building some momentum with the ultimate dream of forming my own workshop retreats someday. I’m also acknowledging that I need to make the most of the few hours I’m able to steal away to my studio while being a stay-at-home mom. I’ve been experimenting with paintings on panel with the thought that I can dash off a stand alone piece here and there to offer up on Etsy. Lately, I’ve been getting back to basics and playing with figure painting and realistic shadow and light. So far, the work is full of texture and brushstroke, monochromatic or muddier colors, and loosely rendered figures. My theme revolves around reflections and it’s given me a focus for the few pieces I’ve been working on.

I’ve really been enjoying experimenting with a piece of clay board I bought. It’s a fascinating surface to work on and is somewhat soft allowing for a slight carving into the surface if you want to. I’ve been working with gouache and charcoal and came up with a painting that I think is pretty interesting. I plan to pick up more clay board soon, but in the meantime I have plenty of panels to prep for paintings in acrylic.

It’s late now (as you might recall it takes me many different attempts throughout the day to get one of these entries done) and I need to go to bed. I really want to elaborate on the “focus” idea… I’ll hash that out in a future entry. So stay tuned… It’s a real can of worms!

In the meantime, goodnight all you creatives and curiosity-seekers. Your art is worthwhile! May it keep you healthy, may it keep you honest, and may it be with you until your dying day.

Ne’twerking

I write this after my return from the Scarborough surgical unit, without an incision having been made or a decision about whether or not to reschedule my appointment. It’s been pouring torrential rain today and feels like a good day to just “chill” and take a minute for introspection.

September has been an eventful and challenging month. We had a family vacation, Ona started daycare… and then Ona ended daycare(!), Morgan’s and my creative work was publicly recognized, and of course the surgery cryptically mentioned earlier.

I’ll begin at the book launch for The Rabbit and the fact that it feels so lovely to (one) win a contest with my art and (two) to have my work on the cover of a book! Not to mention that I finally got met Coco, an introduction that felt long overdue. Meeting a young mother and artist with whom you now share a book is truly thrilling. You inevitably will have a number of things in common and we found that we did, including a connection to the west coast and some very “metal” moments from our not-so-distant pasts. After meeting her, several other authors and creatives, and the director of MWPA I felt that I’d polished my networking penny after leaving it to tarnish for too long. Over the years of co-hosting gallery events I have finally grown very fond of networking, feel comfortable with it and even enjoy it. I like to put the “party” in “networking”, though I have never twerked in the aforementioned scenario as the post title might suggest.

My art on the cover!

The other “biggie” in the career category from this month is that my husband’s documentary short was chosen for screening at the Camden International Film Festival and has been getting a lot of attention. This was one big push toward recognition, but to take it to where he wants it to go will still take more work for which he still has a few tricks up his sleeve. I’m just so happy for him and proud. I wish I could have made it to the screening, but we are in “divide and conquer” mode when it comes to careers and child-rearing so inevitably I am home with the kiddos while he attends these events.

Speaking of kids! I suppose it was another cryptic mention in regards to Ona and daycare. Simple explanation: it’s not the right time. I found being without her was painful emotionally, and that I was missing out on these tender young moments that I’d never see again. Luckily, she takes long naps and isn’t a fussy baby…I’m still able to get a few hours in the studio. In an earlier post I mentioned a memoir about artists balancing motherhood, and since the genesis of that thought, I swear, it lands again for me so often. I’ve got a few podcasts on my short list to listen to around this topic including Artist/Mother and a few others of interest. I’m sure keeping in the loop with other moms who do the juggle will help me feel less alone and frustrated.

Following the thread of mysterious mentions I’ll come full circle back to the surgery. Not that it’s a big deal, I’ve had this hernia for many years now, but now felt like a good time to get it sown up. New-body-new-me-post-babies and all that. But of course I have a cold (literal cough) DAYCARE (cough, cough) so they cancelled the surgery. Apparently undergoing anesthesia is a real beast and I need to be feeling near 100%. Coughing with new stitches is not ideal and could be counterproductive, so we plan to reschedule. Although, this being an elective surgery… do I? It’s like moving heaven and earth to get all the factors to line up. Again, perhaps a motherhood trait, personal care is one of the first things to feel optional.

So this took an entire day to write while watching Ona and taking care of household things. This will be the new normal in my creative journey, and I’m just leaning into it. Looking outside as dusk begins to set I can see the ground has had a thorough soaking and the waning sun is peeking through the clouds, throwing silver across their linings.

Full disclosure: I’m about to throw down some poetic symbolism so get ready…

“See the potential in yourself and honor it. Wisdom comes in knowing when to go slow and steady, and when to sprint over the finish line. ”

— Jessica Myer

Also, wisdom is seeing the SILVER LININGS at all times. So there!

Returning to the studio after baby…

It’s been a wonderful summer with baby Ona and the rest of our sweet little family. She fits into the fold in a way that just seems to make sense. Not only that, we have been graced with a child who has been sleeping through the night since probably 6 weeks old. Maybe two months at the most. Have you ever heard of such a thing?! She is an utter wonder to behold. There are few things that are tricky, for sure, but to be a new mother getting 6-8 hours so quickly postpartum is a wild fantasy.

I’m feeling good with the exception of the typical body image concerns… I am currently leaving strands of hair wherever I go and losing gobs of hair in the shower when I wash it. If you don’t know this… women do not *just* go through the 9 months of extreme body metamorphosis, then obviously the painful and often traumatic episode of childbirth, followed by months of physical and emotional recovery typically up to a year. You also get to lose MASSIVE amounts of hair at about 4 months postpartum! It’s all really good for your self esteem.

But, hey, you didn’t come here to hear me whine about my summer body and my alarming amount of hair loss. I’ve got big news! My maternity leave is ending soon and I’ll be returning to the studio with more projects then a single person can probably handle. This is my way. So long as I can break things down into bite sized steps with the most important first, then I will manage.

First up, holiday offerings! I have to get on those first so that they are ready in plenty of time for those early shoppers. I will start with holiday greeting cards of one design, possibly two, for sale in 5x7 packs. A “holiday hopeful”- I’d potentially like to offer printed linocuts of a single design that can be framed as gifts. Lastly, I’ll be selling off the older designs from last year at a sale price. All of this will be for sale on my Etsy site, which is currently down while I continue my leave.

Second, I’d like to keep plugging away at a lineup of small gallery paintings that will be offered on the shop as well. I hope to work out some solid concepts that are reminiscent of my illustrative work, but are intended to be enjoyed as home decor. Trickier than you think! Sometimes (often) an image for a children’s book does not work as wall art. So I plan to flesh out some ideas… so far my jungle creatures have been a joy to explore and I’ve sold a couple from that series already. Encouraging!

Third, I’d like to get some teaching on the books for more workshops or guest lectures. Not to mention, the continuous work of building my email list, networking in person and online, joining art challenges, and developing mailers. The work is endless! But when it lands it is so fulfilling. WILL BE so fulfilling as I begin to gain traction again.

Ona will be going to daycare starting the week after Labor Day, which will be the week I get back into the studio, of course. It’s hard not to feel pangs of guilt as I work to build this career while my youngest is cared for by someone other than myself. I have to believe in the work so much that it erases all doubt because otherwise what am I doing? Someday perhaps WHEN I MAKE IT I’d like to publish a memoir for artists who are also new mothers. What a time for some feelings amiright?! Geez, it is an onion I’d like to tear apart for you. But until then, I’m just going to keep moving forward with the vision I strive to reach. Everyday I’ll be SHOWING UP to make the dream a reality.

One Month Postpartum

At this point, the blog has become a LiveJournal of thoughts on new motherhood seeing’s how I have spent absolutely none of this past month making one scrid of artwork. (No surprise there says all the moms in the audience). Speaking of which, I just Googled “LiveJournal” out of curiosity to see if it’s still a working site (and to make sure I spelled it, spaced it, uppercased it correctly) and lo and behold it is! Shame on me for ever getting sheepish over my written word here when to my horror my written words from high school still float around on the world wide web eternally young, and probably, dumb. Now don’t you go a-searchin’!

Baby life has been going pretty well. It totally depends on the day of course, but I think generally the little one and I are somewhat put-together and well fed most of the time. I’ve started Jessi Klein’s “I’ll Show Myself Out: Essays on Midlife and Motherhood” (a valuable and poignant recommend from one of the women in my mom group) and I find it incredibly relatable, sometimes heartfelt, and nearly always darkly humorous. God, when she gets going about the “heroes journey” of motherhood I feel seen.

Mothering a newborn is tough, dirty work. What I wouldn’t do for an article of clothing (hers or mine) not completely covered in milk and spit up. I’m not even going to mention the sleep deprivation because obviously, but on a related note, picture rocking an 8 pound lead-weight for 2 hours at 3 am praying she falls asleep before your back and arms give out. You would hope that the result is at least a well-toned upper body. Unfortunately, the true affect is Popeye arms coupled with a saggy tummy and love handles (we’ll call them a hangover of pregnancy weight) which aren’t going anywhere anytime soon. This is motherhood! Now if you’ve also got a three year old at home then just amplify the noise, the tantrums, and the emotional rawness of the already raw situation.

To say all this and leave out the beauty of this tenderness is to leave out the raison d'être for having put yourself through it in the first place. It is a challenge, a test, that one must rise to every day, and really, every night. So shall we say the work is attended to “constantly”, “ongoing” and “forever onward”. It is the shameless setting aside of all other identity-defining pursuits to do the only thing that truly matters- keeping your helpless little fledglings alive, well, happy, and well-balanced until they can proverbially “leave the nest”.

For example, it is beautiful to see your son kiss his sister’s tiny forehead. It’s oddly thrilling to see your newborn lift her head on her own… It is magical to hold them both as they sit still and fully engaged (Well, the 3yo is engaged. The 1 mo is more or less sleeping…) watching some inane YouTube video of disembodied hands driving a toy truck through a homemade city scene. Hey middle-aged fellas with the spare time- I see you! And I thank you.

It is a heroes journey to show up every day, every moment, really, and pull the best of you out of the depths of your being to give to them. You carve a path for your kids to follow, shielding (but slowly revealing) the trials and tribulations of the world that surrounds them, and then one day you set them free. It is the purest poetry when it is not mind-meltingly mundane or draining and frustrating.

And most of all, the heroes journey through motherhood is all-encompassing… which is why this blog is not about my journey in art, today.

Becoming a Mother again on Mother’s Day

And my official Maternity Leave announcement!

It’s been a life-changing two weeks which began on the evening of May 8th, Mother’s Day, and the start of my daughter’s life in this big crazy world. Today was her official due date, and it’s surreal to imagine an alternate reality in which the past two weeks with her have yet to have happened. But here we are, adjusting to the new normal and bonding with our newborn.

Today is a bluebell day and the first week going it alone while my husband returns to work after a short paternity leave. Fortunately, our 3 year old is in preschool and I have some time to attend to the baby and household chores with little interruption. With a number of “nesting” projects out of the way I’ve found my mind wandering back to the studio wishing I had more energy to get in there when time allows. 

For now, I’m simply embracing creative inactivity as part of new motherhood and napping when I can. I am also thinking of small projects to tackle when I do have a moment or two to break away. Continuing my character sketches and sketchbook of plants and animals will probably be my priority. Those can be quick and can be abandoned hastily if the baby begins to howl. Also, designing tear sheets to send to agents and publishers and building my email list will be a perfect time filler- if ever there is time to be filled!

My maternity leave will end in September giving me almost four solid months with Ona (“Oh-nuh” Lithuanian for Anna), and from there I’ll be in the studio four days a week. To be honest it’s difficult to see the inertia slow to a standstill. I knew it would be. When working towards your most ambitious goals time has that funny tendency to stagnate in the moment. It’s a trick of the mind that from where you currently stand nothing you’ve done feels like it’s enough or that your dreams will always be out of reach. What you’re doing holds value. Continue to do it and to work hard at it because you WILL get noticed and hard work pays off!