When the Path Shifts
A lot has changed for me already in the early part this year. Much, I suspect, has changed for many of us. As the prognosis was delivered post-election a shift in my focus suddenly felt urgent and necessary, and so I began full time hours with the marketing work that I had been doing for the low-residency PhD program for artist-philosophers, IDSVA, or Institute for Doctoral Studies in the Visual Arts.
I am fortunate that the work that I do is creative, it is for and about creatives, and it has a wealth of thought-leadership that runs through it all. How could I not jump into a project like this with two feet first in these unprecedented times that we are living in? The fervor that I had toward my art practice never dwindled, but merely realigned with the new work, and I found a healing distraction in repurposing that passion. I have found the work to be incredibly fulfilling in a world that, on it’s face, seems to lack all the empathy and deep thinking that IDSVA seeks to champion. And yet, those thoughtful souls are out there, and they are looking for a sustainable and harmonious approach to global community. They are looking for a place where creativity is heralded as a desirable asset rather than a unnecessary frivolity, as is so evidently exhibited in the federal cuts made under the current administration.
To learn more about what the institution does, I recommend visiting the website, following IDSVA’s social media accounts, or watching some of their recorded webinars. There you will find a treasure trove of content that highlights the individuals who are researching concepts for the progression of human thought and the critique Western metaphysics. It takes some time to understand the ins and outs of the program because there are so few institutions (actually, none) that are doing the same thing in higher education. With everything that’s on the line for the arts, humanities, science and education in general, the time couldn’t be more urgent to get the message out there, and it’s what makes the work so personal to me.
In truth, it feels like both a homecoming and a sort of loss to embrace one form of work so fully, but backing away from the studio and allowing for reflection may be the best thing for my practice in the long run. The expansion of my work hours has left a diminished space for me to create, and so I need to get very choosy about how I spend that time. I need to trim some excess fat, and the first most obvious time suck that brings me no joy is being a Meta subscriber.
I initiated the plan to leave Meta around the middle of last year. I had known for years about Meta’s ownership over images used across its platforms, and I was disturbed. I then become aware of Meta using artists’ images to train AI to recreate art, and I hated the implications of a future world that would attempt to delegitimize artwork made by humans by stealing it, copying it, and regurgitating it slightly altered. When the Meta-man also began taking down regulations safeguarding its users against disinformation, I knew it was time to stop avoiding the inevitable and delete all of my accounts.
I know for some, Meta is a place necessary for the careers that they’ve built and that it can still be a useful tool to grow a business or to keep in touch with others. But for me, I had long felt that the algorithm was doing me a disservice, the trolls and the doom-scrolls were poison to my brain, and the perks of the apps simply did not outweigh the truly discomforting negatives. And so, I announced my impending departure and will log off indefinitely April 1st. Or is this some elaborate April Fools plot? We shall see! Will she pull the plug??
I don’t mean to be so dramatic, but walking away from these apps are emotionally and psychologically difficult to do. I joined Facebook as a college student back when it first launched. I’ve been a daily Instagram user for years. And yet, I suspect that with this loss will come a new freedom- a freedom of my time, and a freeing of the weight of necessary participation to see improved analytics. I don’t know- I’ll keep you posted.
As for the studio, my winter practice has consisted of large-scale landscape paintings as the beginning of a new mode of play. I suspect I have a few of these in me as a trial-by-error before I land on a process that feels mastered and fresh. There’s finally a new one on the easel with an underpainting blocked in, and I’m excited to build off of the experimentation I began in the first. I am enjoying trying new things with the paint by using palette knives and other tools to create unusual mark-making and give space for the unexpected outcomes.
It can be difficult, the feeling of starting over again. I feel like I’ve been in this phase of my practice for a long while where I am constantly reinventing myself. It feels a lot like flailing, to be honest! But, in looking back, there has been a lot of growth for me overall. I’m a better artist than I’ve ever been. I’ve found my career. I’ve made a beautiful family! Although I’ve never given up on my career path of working in the arts, I have walked away from being a creator many times. Of all the things I have worked toward up to now, embracing the long journey that is creative growth continues to be the hardest lesson for me to accept.
Perhaps the artist-philosopher in me just needs to be ignited. We could all do with a bit of holistic and empathetic internal monologue, don’tcha think?
