Making Bad Art
As usual, a moment to decompress and reflect in writing about my practice seems a good fit for this dark and misty spring morning. Coffee in hand, I am nursing my inner artist regarding a recent failed illustration. As much as I hate to admit it, those little failures still hurt to a level that make you question yourself as an artist. My pride is in a puddle on the floor and yet, there is a raging part in me that must prevail and remake that SAME thing and make it the BEST illustration I’ve made to date because how dare you get away from me you silly-little-mouse-painting-you.
Disclaimer: it’s a painting of a mouse. The idea was that with the arrival of spring and the warmer weather all the little field mice that I’ve been warring against in my house this winter are finally returning home to their outdoor nests. So mine is an image of a mouse hanging a forsythia wreath on her front door above a welcome mat bearing the words “Welcome Home” on it. Cute, right?
Wrong! Deep down I knew the painting wasn’t going well to begin with. A general understanding that I have of art, or at least of my art, is that when a painting starts out with weakness and a struggle it rarely becomes a strong painting. The philosophy is the same about anything: if the original building blocks are weak, the finished product will be weak. Of course, art is unlike so many things and can often defy this very reasonable theory, but I think those success stories are few and far between. So, my point being, call its demise early and start fresh with what you learned.
Time is what makes the artist successful. We need time to shape our craft. However, time is the one commodity that is hard to come by for me. I bemoan the labor intensive struggle with something that isn’t working to then have to trash it in the end. It’s the TIME that is the precious wasted thing, not the art. As for the art- I’ll make it again and better. No sweat. But the tiiiiime, though! I won’t get that back.
I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts, Art 2 Life with Nick Wilton, and this particular episode with Jerry Saltz has stayed with me. He spoke about time and hard work making the artist, and often hits you over the head with an insult or two calling us all “big babies” and to shut up and just make the art. He goes on to say the money will never be enough, there will never be enough time, the conditions are never quite right… do it anyway. Make bad art!
And when I think about it, my bar for bad art keeps getting higher. I don’t fail as colossally as I did in the past. My bad art building blocks are getting pretty strong. So in that sense, OK! We are getting somewhere! In a way, you need those moments just as much as the successes because the learning is so much richer. So, yes, Jerry! I will stop being a big baby and go make some more art!
But before I do that, I’ll make this moment of procrastination painstakingly longer and give a few professional updates and mention my studio progress as well:
NEXT WEEKEND (I can’t believe it’s so soon) I’ll be boarding a flight for NYC for IDSVA’s commencement ceremony. It is also a celebration commemorating President and Founder, George Smith’s, upcoming retirement and the succession of Director, Simonetta Moro, to the position as President. This marks exactly a year since I was hired as their Digital Design and Marketing Manager and I will be meeting all the students and faculty for the first time. As a hybrid program, students and faculty are from all over the country and the globe, so my only real introductions thus far have been through emails and Zoom meetings. I’m both nervous and excited! It’s a landmark occasion and even alumni will be present for the event.
In other news, this fall I will continue my teaching practice with a gouache workshop at Artascope in Yarmouth. I’m looking forward to getting to know the people at this establishment and extending my skill set to a new audience. It’s been a long time since I’ve taught regularly, and to rework that muscle I’ve been playing with the idea of offering private classes with signups on my website. It depends upon finding a handful of decent locations to paint outdoors and interested clientele, of course. I will send out a newsletter with a bigger mention of this if this idea comes to pass…
With two studio days a week I’ve been able to get a lot more done with my acrylic paintings on birch panel. I am so excited about what is happening with these pieces! This could also be the reason my illustration work has been a messy afterthought, what with this shiny new toy commanding most of my attention. The work keeps evolving, but I do have a couple that are more or less complete. I had been so nervous to approach the biggest panel (24x36), but it has been a great joy coaxing shapes and colors from the underpainting. I believe its base is strong and the finished version could be pretty fabulous if I don’t screw it up! Eventually, I’d like to place this series into a show, but I’m not opposed to submitting a few of them for Calls For Art to see how they are received. I’ve been applying to these on a rolling basis.
Last, and least (for now) I have plans for a few en plein air acrylic works on paper I’d like to do this summer to get me out of the house. Eventually, I hope to reopen a modest online shop, but already I’m overextending myself so those plans are very tentative. In the meantime as I plug away NOT being a big baby and making lots and LOTS of art, I keep my eye out for opportunities and art openings to drag my friends to. I tell you, it’s a broke-ass magical life. In turns, it is demoralizing or uplifting. The work can energize or drain you. THE WORK NEVER ENDS. But one day, you, I, us… will be recognized for our efforts, and then you’re in a new game.
I keep playing politely on the sidelines- send me in, Coach!
Oh, right! Item one: get a “coach”.
