Finding Purpose in the Paint
In the early months of this new year I’ve been falling in love with fine art. In the past year or so I’ve imagined building a fine art practice alongside my illustration work, but I wasn’t sure where to start. My husband and I had some in-depth discussions about it, and he would continually ask me a simple question… “why”? Why did you choose this subject matter or style of mark-making etc, and the follow up question, what are you trying to say with your art?
In our back and forth analysis of the art I began to realize that my initial ideas for a series were more for others than for myself. Looking for a deeper connection to the work, I began to shift my line of thinking. When I asked myself “why” I now had an answer, and one I believed in. The vision became clearer, and the pictures I’m creating are getting better.
Often, a writer’s best work is inspired by their own lived experiences. The work is relatable because it has happened, is happening, might realistically happen, to that character- a real person- who has felt those feelings and experienced those things. I believe, as an artist, our artistry is a poignant reflection of self. It is relatable, and it is genuinely felt.
Reflecting on myself, I’d ask what is my lived experience? The answer was obvious. At this time in my life, children and family are paramount. My life revolves around them- their health, their schedules, their happiness, etc. As a mother who is also an artist, I’m constantly trying to balance both jobs with all of my energy and capitalizing on being as productive as possible with the time that I have. The result has been a practice of loose brush strokes thoughtfully applied. The paintings are relatively quick. The colors, patterns, and occasionally the subject matter, are imaginative. Components of the paintings are made up, fantasies, but the bulk of the work is taken directly from life. When you look at one of my paintings you will see a combination of observed figures, interiors, exteriors… and the completely fabricated. This is an intentional commentary on the narrative that plays out in a child’s imagination, where the real and the fictitious are seamlessly intertwined.
Colors, patterns, toys, botanicals, animals and insects could all be synthetic within the scene to point toward a deeper meaning. The work comments on a child’s inner development, but I also eventually want to comment on the role of the mother in this body of work. How do I paint the joy, the exhaustion, the overstimulated moments of noise and chaos, the depth of love, the loss of self or return to self? What other emotions does a mother feel and how do I communicate those? This path to understanding the work is still unpaved, but I’m getting there.
There are illustration sketches still on the art table currently in-process, but I’m allowing myself to break away and pursue work that is reflective of my life at the present moment. My children are young, and painting them while they are at this stage in life feels so important. My son just turned 5, and he is still so beautifully innocent. For example, he found a bird who had recently died after hitting our picture window. As he held it he asked me what we should do with it. I suggested we find a place to bury it in the yard. His follow-up questions were of concern for the bird. He wanted to know “If we bury it, what will it eat?” “Will it be cold?” The finality of death is an incomprehensible subject for a 5 year old. I snapped a picture of my son at that moment and from it, I created Phoenix to illustrate this purity, this guilelessness.
While carefully rendering images of my children with paint I can’t help but ruminate on current news. I’ve been deeply disturbed by the wars happening overseas, and I keep thinking of the parents there who are desperate to keep their children safe. It makes me feel so privileged to be able to tuck my children into a warm, safe bed at night, their bellies full with a home-cooked meal. It is a luxury to be able to provide these comforts for your children, and to be able to meditate on that fortune feels like a prayer of gratitude.
There are a million reasons to paint the most immediate things that inspire you, and for me, it could be none other than my children. The less obvious answer was what my approach to the concept might be. So far, my favorite piece is a 9x12 little painting, Sleeping Child in Red. It is a sweet little rendering of my sleeping son, done with a slap and dash of warm strokes. I use some stencil in the painting which had a nice textural effect. I’m excited to see how the rest of my waiting panels will develop.
As the philosophy behind the work deepens the imagery continues to shift. As I work through the process I learn what works and what doesn’t. When I make a “favorite” painting there will eventually come another painting that becomes the new “Gold Standard.” This journey is about discovery and giving in to the natural push and pull as I get to know and understand the meaning behind my own work and how to make it.
That’s all for now. Enjoy the journey. Be flexible. Stay lucid. Good night!
