Becoming a Mother again on Mother’s Day

And my official Maternity Leave announcement!

It’s been a life-changing two weeks which began on the evening of May 8th, Mother’s Day, and the start of my daughter’s life in this big crazy world. Today was her official due date, and it’s surreal to imagine an alternate reality in which the past two weeks with her have yet to have happened. But here we are, adjusting to the new normal and bonding with our newborn.

Today is a bluebell day and the first week going it alone while my husband returns to work after a short paternity leave. Fortunately, our 3 year old is in preschool and I have some time to attend to the baby and household chores with little interruption. With a number of “nesting” projects out of the way I’ve found my mind wandering back to the studio wishing I had more energy to get in there when time allows. 

For now, I’m simply embracing creative inactivity as part of new motherhood and napping when I can. I am also thinking of small projects to tackle when I do have a moment or two to break away. Continuing my character sketches and sketchbook of plants and animals will probably be my priority. Those can be quick and can be abandoned hastily if the baby begins to howl. Also, designing tear sheets to send to agents and publishers and building my email list will be a perfect time filler- if ever there is time to be filled!

My maternity leave will end in September giving me almost four solid months with Ona (“Oh-nuh” Lithuanian for Anna), and from there I’ll be in the studio four days a week. To be honest it’s difficult to see the inertia slow to a standstill. I knew it would be. When working towards your most ambitious goals time has that funny tendency to stagnate in the moment. It’s a trick of the mind that from where you currently stand nothing you’ve done feels like it’s enough or that your dreams will always be out of reach. What you’re doing holds value. Continue to do it and to work hard at it because you WILL get noticed and hard work pays off!

Easter themes of rebirth

Happy Easter Monday! I had no idea this was a thing, but my Apple calendar insists it is so. I hope you all had a lovely weekend spent reconnecting with family and friends. We spent the weekend engaged in holiday activities including not one, not two, but THREE egg hunts! One at the Children’s Museum, one at our house Easter morning, and one at a friend’s house. Ansel loved each and every one and insisted this morning that he’d rather stay home and look for more “candy eggs” instead of going to school, as if this was a possibility. I don’t blame him for thinking that this could be a regular life occurrence.

The hard winter has officially thawed, despite the whispered threats of snow on the horizon. We all know these weather episodes are just the final efforts of our coldest season as it sputters out, so I don’t worry as they won’t last long. We have a few final house projects underway that will be completed before the baby arrives such as new exterior house paint, a new swing set for Ansel, landscaping for our front garden, and repaving the driveway. We will have a fresh look for the summer while we nurture our growing little family inside. I catch myself getting lost in thoughts of family, and I can see that my studio practice is already slowing in preparation for this monumental shift, now only a mere month or so away.

While motherhood experiences a resurgence, my art practice will sink like a seed into the ground. There I can still nurture it with stored memories, intention, and undoubtedly new inspiration. I have the time to let grow what will in my mind, drawing off of what I learned from the fall and winter. What worked? What didn’t work? Where can I put my energies when I return full time to the studio, and realistically what kind of time and energy do I have while on maternity leave to give to art?

Perhaps during this time I will work out my ideas in a journal and a sketchpad. Or perhaps I will ditch it all and let be the fact that new motherhood is one of the most all-encompassing and exhausting experiences one can be honored to live through. I’m not sure yet, but I’m resolved to just do what feels right and let time be a friend rather than a noisy measuring stick on my artistic success.

Other artist mothers out there… do you feel this? Is time difficult for you, too?

Currently I’m listening to the words of Ram Dass, and letting my brain wander back into territories I haven’t let myself venture to since college. I’m putting space around my person filled with calm and forgiveness. I’m continuing to build something important, but I’m learning to have the awareness to not force it. What is art? What is the art I want to make? Make something beautiful and genuine, and your audience will find you. Make your Truth and invite others to enjoy it with you.

Artists of every gender and denomination… do you feel me?

Spring is coming!

And it’s come in like a lamb.

It’s been a long winter, rife with illness, pandemic spikes, isolation, missed daycare and sporadic days in the studio, perpetual arctic freeze, and burning the candle at both ends. Suddenly, though, spring is starting to break through and we are seeing a warm day here, a warm day there… and some breakthroughs from the studio.

I’ve been working to get my art out into the world and it is starting to pay off. Today I’m celebrating! I’ve won the chapbook challenge through Maine Writers and Publishers Alliance, a literary organization that works to “bring together Maine writers, editors, publishers, booksellers, and literary professionals at all stages of their careers to sharpen craft, create community, and celebrate great writing.” Quote via their website… MWPA about

The challenge was to provide the winning piece of artwork for the cover of the 2021 literary award winner “The Rabbit” by Coco McCracken. The literary piece was chosen by Melissa Febos, author of Whip Smart, Abandon Me, and the National Bestseller, Girlhood. The inspiration for the piece I provided was from an excerpt of The Rabbit, which I found rich in visual imagery. The manuscript felt like a moment from my own youth chasing bands, boys and “coolness”, with an irresistible nod toward 90’s grunge. The image pieced together in my head clearly, and I knew I had to record it, and pursue it. The book will publish this fall and be distributed in the fall of 2023, with my art on the cover!

In addition to this wonderful news, I’ve been riding high this week from a full weekend teaching a two-day workshop in gouache painting held at Cove Street Arts in Portland. The workshop was a success! Students who hadn’t ever touched the medium before were learning how to mix colors, how to apply the paint, and were brushing up on (or learning for the first time) the basics in color theory and composition. I was officially invited back to teach again, which I will follow up on once this baby is born!

Photo credit: Alison Rector
Me at Cove Street Arts teaching “Painting with Gouache”

And so we segue into the other long anticipated coming event… baby #2! Baby girl Myer has been kicking and moving and grooving for some time now, though nothing like she has lately! Due end of May, this kiddo is already gearing up and so are we. “Some assembly required” furniture has been delivered and is piling up in our garage until we have the time to address it, hopefully this coming weekend. Meanwhile, my husband is away toiling on the cottage until Saturday afternoon- a final push to get the place ready to escape to during our parental leave.

I’m just so excited. It’s a spring that brings with it a whole new chapter on its sweet-smelling breeze. We are fortunate to be safe and healthy, and we have so much more to be thankful for besides. Thank you, thank you, thank you is my mantra, which I feel profoundly when I stop to reflect.

In sickness and in health…

Journaling is always such a refreshing way to jump back into studio work after a time away. It gets the creative juices flowing, helps the reflection process, and grounds you for a day of productivity. At least, that’s what it does for me. I suppose if I could sum up the start of the new year I would consider it to be pretty up and down. Much of that is due to some heavy colds that had me down in the trenches for a solid month. Pregnancy has taken my immune system and run off with it, leaving me defenseless to any little bug my kiddo brings home from daycare. Thankfully, I’ve managed to avoid Covid!

At the urging of my midwife I finally visited an urgent care. The nurse there just kept apologizing to me because there was nothing they could do to help. You can’t give pregnant ladies the good drugs, y’know.

So anyway here I sit, Echinacea tea in hand, feeling ready to jump start the work that I’d left on Friday… and when I say “ready” I mean with a proverbial limp. I will say, though, that I’ve been getting very excited for what’s starting to get accomplished in my studio. For one, I have a base set up for networking- Facebook, Google, Instagram, Etsy, website newsletter, email contacts… I’ve got it all established. Now, I begin the process of building contacts, followers, and sales.

I’ve filled out my Etsy shop a little more and have ideas for new greeting cards for Valentine’s day, plus another batch or two of tea towels ready for new designs. Sales have slowed after the holidays and I feel it’ll soon be necessary to take better photos and possibly display some video of merchandise. I gotta look the part after all!

I’m pouring through a list of publishers and agents who I want to approach with my work, figuring out which is an appropriate fit for my work and what the application process involves. Considering the lag time I’d like to get these out ASAP.

I will be partaking in a challenge through the Maine Writers and Publishers Alliance for the chance to win some cash and exposure. The challenge is to illustrate the year’s chapbook winner, The Rabbit by Coco McCracken.

Other big ideas include editing and thumbnailing my newest manuscript. I joined a critique club that focuses on kid lit manuscripts who meet once a month. Hopefully, that will be fruitful as I feel this area of expertise is where I am most lacking.

I’ll be filling a watercolor sketchbook with character designs of children. This idea came when I realized I don’t have an easy fallback to reference when publishing companies or agents want to see my capabilities to draw kids. I think I should also have one available for animals, which would be helpful when coming up with new ideas for gallery paintings.

As for the gallery paintings, I have one on final board that’s ready for paint. When that’s complete I think I want to table that project for a while and pursue other things. I need to figure out how and what to paint for galleries that would be LARGE and not framed behind glass. This, believe it or not, needs a lot of careful planning. One does not just “make paintings big” as one does not just “walk into Mordor” - omg NERD.

Last star mention, the press release for my gouache workshop at Cove Street goes out tomorrow! I’m excited for this class and will be dedicating time to building the lesson plan sooner rather than later. I’ll also be marketing the holy heck out of that, as much as a new business can.

So there you have it! Things I have done, things I want to do, and all typed by one hacking sick pregnant person. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… “Shoot for the stars. If you fall short, you’ll still end up somewhere in the stratosphere.”

Etsy, the Holidays & a whole New Year

I’ve had a busy couple of months since I last blogged and I feel it’s been pretty productive! I’d been working on building up an inventory for sale on an Etsy shop and got that launched around Thanksgiving. A few sales started rolling in soon after launching and that has been a nice confidence booster! I’ve added more illustrations to my website and a number of block printed products to my shop. Now I wait to see how those products move while attempting little stabs at free marketing via Instagram and Google. I’m trying to create a new business email and then hopefully I can figure out how to get my Facebook business account up and running again so that I can do even more promotional stuff. I love technology when it works, but when it doesn’t it’s so frustrating. It seems that help teams are hard to come by given that Covid has come roaring back to its previous vitality… technical help delays are terrible!

Other promotional efforts (that ARE working!) revolve around two new demonstrations and workshop events I’ve scheduled. One will be hosted by the Center for Teaching and Learning in Edgecomb, Maine. It’s a lovely little non-profit private school for kids K-8. On January 19 I’ll be presenting my work and then follow up with a demonstration and lesson for the first and second graders. This is a closed event.

The other event is a workshop at Cove Street Arts in Portland, Maine, which will be accepting students once the campaign has been launched. It will be a weekend event either in the first or second week of March. The class will teach artists how to work in gouache and handle the medium in various ways. I’ll offer tips and training for best results and post some of these on my blog. If these workshops are successful and enjoyable I might build off of the idea, host more, and start a YouTube channel offering techniques in the medium. We’ll see… that idea literally just crash landed into my head.

In other news… it’s the week before Christmas and time is in crunch-mode. I realize I still have some last minute shopping to do and the weekend menu to prepare for. As for Christmas day itself we will wake up at home, open gifts and then pack everyone into the car for a night at my mother’s. She’s planning a delicious dinner and a gender reveal celebration- for us! We are expecting late in May and this time we plan to find out the sex. It will be a fun event and I am looking forward to it.

After the holidays we really don’t have much on the horizon. My family is just planning to hunker down this winter. It’s a sad state of affairs with the second winter in a row predetermined by Covid fears, and we are thoroughly sick of it! The way things are going I wouldn’t be surprised if it were an issue for a few years yet, with new variants creating new complications just when we thought we were through the worst of it. Oh well, I guess another hibernation will be good for my art practice? Here’s to silver linings! Real, or imagined.

Building up Commerce & Communication

Hey y’all, back here again and sinking some words into the void! It can feel like that sometimes, as I’m holed up and madly churning the creativity engine. I’m attempting to make make make and get some designs out there for the holidays and my current to-do is wrap up the work I’ve been doing and focus on getting new work ready for sale. Unfortunately, I still have to create the store! Then market it! It is a possibility that my studio practice is still too green to churn out products for sale in time for the festivities, but if you shoot for the stars and miss you’re still somewhere out in the stratosphere, amiright?

My big next plans are to get some cards designed and up on my Instagram and website. I’ll also have prints for sale with options for some to be framed. I’ll work on t-shirt designs, too, but that really feels like it won’t happen until later even if I’m being optimistic. I do love that the studio practice feels just as connected to the seasons and the passage of time, as did my gallery work. I used to love that the winter work was like hibernation and catch up while the summer work was active and social and full of sales. Each new month brought a new flavor of art, as does my work now- or will.

Once I have a large enough body of work I have big plans for marketing, presentation, sales, and a new social calendar for myself. I look forward to the networking and marketing aspect of the work as I feel that is one area I am sorely lacking. One might say it’s never too soon to do that work, but as a multi-tasker by nature, my plate is already so full with a variety of projects I hope to accomplish by deadline that I have to submit to the fact that I’m just not ready for that WORLD of work. It’s another brain space I’d have to tap into, and I’ll get there.

First thing’s first… finish up my son’s Halloween costume. DEADLINE NUMERO UNO. He’s going to be an ambulance and he’s the one fan I have that I can’t let down because he is absolutely paying attention. Are you?! Hopefully someday….

Questioning how to labor on Labor Day

I’ve officially been working as a teacher for a whole year. And in that year, much has happened. I’ve held two different positions at two different schools, and have gone through the waxing and waning inspiration and energy levels that are foreign to no individual in the education sector. It was a very interesting year to be an educator with Covid raging throughout the world and the heat of an unnaturally hot summer bearing down on our outdoor program. Through it all I believe I’ve kept a level head and have had a lot of victories. Looking at it through the lens of optimism, perhaps I’ve had more wins than losses, perhaps many more! However, it did feel humbling to finally come to the conclusion that I would leave the beloved nature-based private school where I’d most recently been teaching to pursue my studio business full time.

It’s official. And it has been a truly magical and celebratory Labor Day weekend. When I started this blog, I was in my studio with the intent to stay there - unless a teaching job came along with the right qualifications and I with the right qualifications for it! That turned out to be a big caveat. So in an unsure time with teachers in great need I was able to somewhat easily secure some great positions. The short of it is… teacher burnout is real, the lure of the studio is too strong, and the need for my flexibility in the family is too great. Walking this line one foot in two different camps ended up being something that was not for me, and not for us.

Now, with all my focus, my art business can surely flourish- and I have some great ideas percolating! On the tail end of this glorious Labor Day and some apple picking with my son in my immediate future, I find myself elated and yearning to work more than ever. It feels like all the questions have been answered and I have nothing left to do but to move forward in this singular direction.

I will miss my students, as I will miss the school with its beautiful classrooms, extensive playgrounds and close-knit community of educators. I am fortunate enough to have the support to follow this dream. I have the luck, I have some talent, I’ve gained a little business sense along the way… now it’s time to build something.

The Project Proposal

Update from the studio

I’ve been keeping my nose to the grindstone as much as possible this summer, though it can be difficult! Weddings and other social engagements, illness, my work teaching, and keeping a comfortable home life for the family all take up time. However, I’m making steady progress on a project proposal that I hope to have ready to share by the start of the fall. The proposal will include a black and white and/or color book dummy, a finished spread, a finished cover jacket, and a cover letter.

It’s a lot of work to put together a book dummy! There is so much that goes into it: the birth of a manuscript and the editing process, breaking down the manuscript into pages, fleshing out rough imagery in thumbnails, rough illustrations, choosing the proper color and values… It’s all so time consuming! Do not get me wrong, this is enjoyable work. My only lament is breaking away from it with the knowledge that there is still the whole iceberg to uncover. That said, I am pleased to say I’m halfway through the creation of my book dummy and feel on track to have a body of work ready for my self-proclaimed deadline.

For any of you who may be on a similar path as my own, who are breaking away from a career to start fresh and finally, FINALLY are putting some real time into your art, I feel you. It’s a struggle to plug away in the “void” that is your studio. It’s often a place of joy and creativity, but this is not always the experience. Often the studio can be a place where isolation and doubt live as well. For myself, I wonder if my efforts will ever come through to fruition. Will I ever have the absolute self-affirming feeling of having my work published? Are there agents out there who might have interest in representing my work? Ahh, what utter rapture it would be, sorry, WILL be to have my work out in the world as a picture book- beautiful, colorful, and admired by children!

Meanwhile, a woman paddling on a sea of child-rearing, house cleaning, wifing, friending, teaching, cooking, and house projecting is also FULLY PRESENT in her studio! So there, says I!

No, friends. It is not so easy to choose the life of an artist. It is a challenge to yourself to show up every day in your lion suit of courage and say “Yes, I am worth it, my vision is worth it- and the whole world needs to see what I see.” You need to believe it, because no one else is going to make that dream become a reality for you.

Sometimes when I get afraid I just make sure I show up anyway, and that’s the first big hurdle to jump.

One Month of Teaching

I’m back in the classroom! Lesson planning, studio painting, and finishing up my class at UMA…

It has been such a busy month! To keep track of all that’s been going on I’ve been journaling my progress everyday. It helps to keep things in perspective, remind me of what I’ve accomplished, and what I have yet to accomplish. I began teaching almost exactly one month ago today at a private daycare/homeschooling pod in Windham. My class of K-1 kids are active, smart, and are a challenge on occasion! I’m finding my groove now though, and this past week before spring vacation went the most smoothly. I’ve been working diligently on lesson plans today- the last day of spring vacation week- and I’m excited to put these plans into action.

I’ve been proud of my productivity over spring break. I’ve worked hard in the studio completing a commission piece, nearly finishing an illustration I began in February before getting hired, and passing in my last big assignment for class. I’m feeling organized, fulfilled, tired and happy. I’m looking forward to this weekend so that I can relax with my husband and son at our cottage. Of course, there will be plenty of work to do there, too, but it will be restful to be on the water and working with my hands only. Time for a brain rest!

Work still to be done in the studio is largely around content-building and constructing a social media planner that I can stick to. I’ve been reflective of the amount of content I have thus far and feel I still have many months ahead of me to fill my portfolio. At some point I’ll feel comfortable reaching out to agents and/or publishers, but that point has not arrived. Perhaps by the end of this year I’ll have something compiled and ready to show. I believe that readiness is something that will be felt and will seem obvious.

One thought I had was to keep an eye out for organizations holding conferences, awards, and challenges. Joining these groups is great for visibility and increases my likelihood of individuals or companies hiring me for published works. Also, it helps to give me a goal to work toward and a deadline to complete certain benchmarks. SCBWI, local residencies, talent agencies, Instagram handles, etc. are a good place to start.

Happy St. Paddy’s!

Feeling lucky.

Today is a sunny cool Wednesday with not a cloud in the sky. I’ve got a lot on my plate and it feels good. On Monday I accepted an afternoon K-1 enrichment teaching position which I am very excited about. The school is a private infant to first grade institution in Windham that abuts an extensive property. I’m planning nature hikes and science experiments, art projects and outdoor play. I can’t wait for the warmer weather and to have management of a classroom of kids!

With teaching on the horizon I’m glad to be winding down with a challenge I’ve embarked on with Plum Pudding Illustration Agency. Plum is an art talent agency based out of the UK representing many very talented kid lit artists from all over the world. Every year they host a challenge and offer cash prizes as well as a portfolio review for the people who place first, second and third in their contest. The work I’ve done for them includes two black and white spreads and one color cover piece. The black and white work is all done and I’m now on to the last 10% of the hand painted jacket. I’m pretty thrilled with the cover and it will be a great portfolio piece whether it wins me anything or not. I’ll be done by Friday and ready to photograph it, overlay text, bundle everything up neat, and forward it off to their offices. Hooray!

My class with UMA is going well, too. So far I’m getting some great notes and content that I hope I can refer back to regularly to assist me on the job. I’m learning a lot and it’s helping me feel prepared. This week we have our first quiz and I really hope to do well.

Other news, yesterday was my husband’s birthday and I made the fudgiest flourless chocolate torte and a scallop and mussel linguine pasta dish. It was delicious and so quick to make! The seafood was a delivery from SoPo Seafood, a local Biddeford-based fish company that delivers fresh seafood right to your door. It’s a luxury, but when it’s your best fella’s birthday you acquiesce!

Continued fun chatty business, we are planning our spring and summer home projects. On the TO DO list we will be redesigning our landscaping in the front yard and in the backyard, building a pergola and patio. We’ll also be cutting a door to the backyard so no more trudging through the garage and studio to grill in the evening. That will be so nice to just walk directly out to the back from the kitchen!

We are feeling happy and lucky to be getting through a hard and very isolating year with warmer weather ahead and a vaccine around the corner. We think we’ve got the luck of the Irish today and most days!

One Month in the Studio

“Everything you can imagine is real.” —Pablo Picasso

It has been such a wonderful and busy time with the deep dive I’ve been giving my studio practice. To start, I’ve been tracking (as often as possible) my hours and my goals for each day and journaling at the end of the day an overview of what I accomplished and what I plan to accomplish. I find this is a good way to decompress and reflect. It is also super handy for all those times when you look back and say “what the heck did I DO all day??” And it’s like, Oh yeah I fell into a time warp painting again.

So, journaling. Another important part of my practice is to reach out via social media so my followers can track my progress, which I usually post in a Story. Initially, I was engaging in art making challenges that some Instagram handles put out. This was helpful in the beginning to give me a daily goal, but I soon came to realize I needed to work on my process and my voice before I applied my art to any challenge. Thus began my search for MYSELF. Oh, the feels.

It surprisingly didn’t take long to find this. I think I’d been rolling some ideas in my head so long that they were ready to be pearls. I found that working small has some major advantages when working in traditional media, which for me, must be gouache. I love the way it can be applied opaquely, thickly, and easily washes away with water. I can get pulled away from my desk at a moment’s notice and return as if nothing happened- no ruined brushes, no weird abruptness like you get with watercolor if the damn bead of pigment-loaded water dries on you before you’re ready.

So, I like gouache. Poifect! Now, how to make a painting?

These little 7”x7” squares of rag board I snagged from my gallery job (literal discards from the custom frame shop - utter gold) have been my material of choice. I make a drawing on it from a picture that's been banging around in my head, and this part of the process usually flows pretty easily. Although, lately I’ve been also getting into more portrait work and this has to be well researched, which means a longer process involving sketches, lots of tracing paper and line simplifying before it hits final board.

Next, I scan that finished drawing into Photoshop, find a palette that resonates with me, and use that limited palette to make a complete color study. This I print out and then mix my colors to match. From there it’s almost like painting by number and, I tell ya, it is so dang soothing. I just put on a podcast or some instrumental music and go to town. So far, I have been super pleased with the results and I have ideas for days!

Also…

It would be remiss not to mention the class that I’m taking with UMaine Augusta. I am working to fulfill qualifications to get professionally certified to teach in the state of Maine, and my class Teaching Students with Disabilities and Exceptionalities is one of those requirements. It’s an incredibly interesting class, though I wish it could be in-person, and I’m learning so much. Though I am no longer working regularly with the preschool I was working at this past fall I am called in occasionally to substitute, which is awesome. I love getting the chance to see those kids! They are the sweetest.

So now that I’ve told you all my secrets I’ve really got to run. I promised my family stuffed peppers for dinner and I have no idea how to make them.

BYEEE!

Hello World!

My art practice has gone through many ebbs and flows over the years. It has been so difficult to find the availability to devote to it that any pursuits were often fleeting. Now, having been given the precious gift of time AND space (I am, indeed, a lucky woman) I can immerse myself in the ideas that I wish to bring to life, to create. Join me on my journey through art!

I have always been a children’s book illustrator at heart. My humor often seeps into the work, as it does my daily life, and helps breathe personality into the work. At least, I find that this is typically my goal… as is my hope to bring delight to children and families.

Follow my journey through motherhood, art, and career as I strive to make my dream a reality. I wish to hone my craft completely, a lifelong goal perhaps impossible to realize. Isn’t this the beauty of art, though? It is a perfection that only exists in the mind, but a goal to work toward all your life.

I hope you enjoy the work! You can find me on Instagram for the most up-to-date notifications. Thank you, and see you there!